When you lose your normal

Today I find myself thinking wow, he’s really not coming back.  It’s been two years one would think that that feeling of hope would have subsided by now. Which is actually really ironic because hope is the thing that Hudson lost and now here I find myself desperately grabbing onto the hope that one day he’ll return but deep down I know that that is not possible. 

Its not possible that I feel normal again.  My normal is gone. I will never wake up to normal again.  

 We didn’t get the first car, or taking him to get his drivers license. We didn’t get his first prom or his second prom, we will never see him play varsity football. We will never see him walk across the stage and receive a diploma.   We will never get to meet his significant other or who he would’ve chosen to be his lifelong partner.   

We didn’t get normal. Or what  I had always imagined my normal to look like. But then I sit here and ironically think or did we? Suicide is on the rise especially in young males.  Parents every day wake up and have to face the fact that they’ve lost their child to a treatable illness.  44,965 People a year die from sucide... so sadly it’s really not uncommon.  

My normal was taken away for me, please don’t let it get taken from you.